lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize