at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
