so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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