friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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