After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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