every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
