Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
ttyl tear gas
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
