pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
