I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
