Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
