dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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