I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
