Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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