its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
