I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
