I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
that's an acceptable place to lick
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
