he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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