Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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