My nipple is on Facebook.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
