I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
