his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
