if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize