i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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