we have officially mastered the walk of shame
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
