its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
