This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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