im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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