Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
