my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
