There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Randomize
