so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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