well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
