Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
