Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
