i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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