No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
