Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
