Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
