Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
