my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
