i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
