BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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