I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
