Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
