why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
