i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
