Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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