Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
