i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
