My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
