you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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