I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
