i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
wow bdsm is so cute
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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