I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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