why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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