I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
