you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
