you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
