Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
