no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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