So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
