I wish I could punch you in the face.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
