Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
