If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
