Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
