he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
