walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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