I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize