Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
