he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize